When I was 6 my father used to get the *Times* delivered to our house in London. I remember being fascinated by its pages of dense newsprint. I would pick it up and turn to the Diary page where there was always a little poem. I would try to read it but struggled with many of the words so would make up my own, which were sometimes very silly, sometimes quite rude. I wonder if anyone else remembers them. They seem to have vanished now..
Little did I know then that 60 years later, I would be writing doggerel of my own which is, in my opinion, just as silly and possibly a bit ruder..
My two latest efforts are below, I hope you enjoy them..
**Doggerel about Digging a Hole to China**.
A hole so deep it reaches the other side..
It might take months, it might take years, to dig so wide..
I would need a spoon the size of a football field..
And someone to bring me nourishing meals..
I would have to be careful not to lose my way..
I mustn’t dig up or I might end up in the USA..
I mustn’t dig down or I might come out in the sea..
I must dig sideways and hope to reach Cathay..
I might find many interesting things on my way..
Chinese dragons and exotic birds, all types of prey..
I might meet the Abominable Snowman half way through,.
If I do not get eaten by a big kangaroo..
I will take my smartphone to keep in touch,.
Send photos and videos and tell everyone how much,.
I am enjoying my journey to the other side..
Of course, I must not forget my teddy bear for when I feel alone inside..
I will have to watch out for earthquakes and sinkholes,.
As I dig deeper and deeper towards my goal..
I will need to be brave and never lose hope,.
Especially when crawling through a narrow, dark, wet, muddy slope..
The Chinese people will be so surprised to see,.
A strange man emerging from a hole. In Beijing or Shanghai,.
They will welcome me with open arms and with open hearts..
They will ask me if I walked or came on the London Underground, on the Northern Line..
I will tell them I dug my way through the Earth’s crust,.
That I did it all by myself with the help of my trusty rust,.
Bucket and spade. They will gasp in amazement,.
Ask me to do a TED Talk, write a book for their amusement..
I will become a celebrity overnight..
The *New York Times* and *The Wall Street Journal* will write,.
About my amazing feat, my incredible engineering skill..
I will be invited on chat shows and TV, for my views on life, the universe and everything, if you will..
I will tell the world about the importance of perseverance,.
Of setting yourself seemingly impossible goals and challenges,.
Of never giving up on your dreams, no matter how crazy they seem..
You never know what you might achieve. Do you agree with me?.
**Doggerel about My Covid Booster Jab**.
I went to get my Covid booster..
The nurse said I might feel a bit poorly..
She said, “Are you nervous?”.
I replied, “No, I’m a bit of a Covid veteran.”.
She gave me my booster jab,.
And told me to wait 15 minutes for a chat..
“The vaccine is safe and effective,” she said..
“It’s the best way to protect yourself from Covid.”.
I sat and waited..
I felt fine..
I didn’t feel poorly..
I went home and got on with my day..
I didn’t feel poorly..
Not even a headache..
I’m so glad I got my Covid booster jab..
I feel protected..
I feel safe..
I know that Covid is still out there..
But I’m not worried..
I’ve had my booster jab..
I’m ready for anything..
Bring it on, Covid..
I’m not afraid of you..
I hope you enjoyed my two latest pieces of doggerel. If you did, please share them with your friends and family. And if you have any doggerel of your own, please share it with me. I would love to read it..
